Tao of Kink
Chapter 18
View from below
"Take control of your life." … says every self-help book. Though, the way to achieve something like this might sometimes go the other way round. If you want something too much, if you try too hard - you might be spending your energy in working against it actually. It’s like a Chinese finger trap game: pulling fingers out, you tighten the grip. To get the fingers out, you perhaps need to push them in first. The opposite way to the direction of your intention. BDSM is a work with contradictions.
It takes courage and focus to enter submissive mind. It takes willpower and strength to allow oneself to loose control. Giving yourself into master’s hands is an act, not a passivity. It’s not a matter of things that will be done to you, what you will endure. It’s your effort to receive, your determination to withstand. Pain is not the game. Intensity is a tool - to realize your role, to move the play forward, to test yourself, to learn, to grow. Diminishing your ego enables the growth. The cuffs and ropes give you the taste of freedom.
As fetish is getting mainstream, many grasp kink as a "fuck in a fancy gear". Gear is just a costume that helps navigating the story. Though it is not the point itself. It can spice up your sexual boredom just for a minute - before it becomes ordinary again - as many dress-code parties are, with thousands of men in the same gear, alike. Interchangeable. Blending together. Unexciting. And it all comes down to plain fuck at the end.
To achieve more, try less. When was the last time you really indulged in sniffing someone’s feet? Offering service, fully focused on giving it? Letting the acrid urine flow down your throat not because it is tasty, but because your mind was down there - willing to "swallow the bitter pi.."? Because "that is you job", "that is your role", "that is your duty"? Falling on your knees just because it feels good? To obey, to be at his service, to offer both your body and will?
I have a strong craving to return to small interactions. Not to flick through them quickly, not to amass them in quantity. Experiencing them slowly, in full depth, in conscious presence, getting familiar with them in detail, to savor them. To break free from executing, doing, rushing, from feeling of being evaluated at some exam, to claim the moment, to be there, to indulge.
