Tao of Kink
Chapter 6
Roughness and/or violence
How to spice up action and not overdo it? How dark one can afford to be? What is too little and what is too much? When does the "use" of person becomes abuse? Where is the border at which "torture" loses quotes? Which are the symbols one would not make fetish of? Gazing into pitch black through disturbing imagination.
* introduction to the visual blog
Acting and Real Violence
I remember how shocked I was when I first discovered Greasetank’s 3D fantasies. Shocked especially by my sexual response to them. It was off the scale of mainstream BDSM – rape, torture and death were not exception. Machismo brought to the absurd levels. Situations and types (bullies, skinheads) that we usually avoid in real life were carriers of intense eroticism here, the more uncompromising and brutal - the better. I started to ask: Is our sensitivity overstimulated? Do we want more and more and more, because the excitement of yesterday is already dull? Is it beyond the border of approved-kinky and already-sick? Though, I still resisted to judge it prematurely and slam that door since my hard cock does not lie - I was genuinely turned on. As much as I had to reconcile with my kinky part and incorporate it into my shiny vanilla self-image, I knew that just ignoring the dark chamber will not make it vanish.
A frenzy of "totally depraved pigs", scat porn, prolapses, castrations, bloody fights, merciless banging, fag humiliations, PnP slamming, but also disturbing imagery of guys fucking in Nazi uniforms with swastika flags all around them, over-utilization of double eSes and double 8s in blog names – prove we have hit the well. Something, yet unknown, is surfacing. Mere "ridiculing the neo-nazis" is not sufficient explanation for it. The usual formula "homophobic bully is a repressed homosexual" could be applied here mechanically – yes, there is something subconsciously homoerotic in consciously homophobic behavior - but still it is not enough. I’m more intrigued by the presence of fetish. Though, in this case we don’t want more and more items to own, but more and more intensity and daring in our experience. Are we still missing the stories, or is it something else that we cannot reach towards?
An interview with the artist himself brought more insight. He suggests that we should not hide the fact that observation of the suffering of the others can be erotic. His imagery comes from deep within – and as such is an uncensored (so far) report on what is lurking in there. Instead of closing our eyes he encourages us to face it. Even if we cannot "figure it out" immediately, we can be with it (in safety of fantasy), we can admit it, we can learn from it for the better. As such, it resonated with me strongly – BDSM is an unusual perspective on real life’s happenings. Getting involved in it sanely can be healing for us, for our partners and believe it or not maybe it can teach us to be more humane, compassionate, loving. Understanding the channel where the violence comes from and how does it operate.
Assimilationist mainstream of LGBT movement, "good boys" imitating the heteronormative lifestyle together with middle-class suburban sensibilities - all are now proclaiming: "does everything have to be only about sex?" "we are not just sexual beings, we have more dimensions." However, we did not exploit or even explore sexuality enough yet. Despite PR image that some are trying to build, large portion of "gay life" is still happening in dark-rooms, woods and dungeons. Something attracts us there, something lies there undiscovered. I keep being amazed how magically our sexuality transforms everything we have been afraid in the past. All the homophobic environments, all the bullying jocks, aggressive sportsmen, militant soldiers, cocky skinheads, macho bikers – appearance of all those has become part of gay fetish standard, even for folks that consider themselves vanilla. I sense an immense power of sex to turn death into life, violence into pleasure, torment into joy. It may be a reaction, a way to cope with it, a way to overcome it, a way to ridicule it, a way to swallow it (pun intended) – the same way as we’ve reclaimed labels: gay, queer, faerie, faggot – and now pig or pervert.
You can’t beat the bullies, but you can imitate them. The same way that many animals mimic their more dangerous relatives. You can’t get away with danger, but you can seek it. You can’t avoid the pain, but you can voluntarily explore it. There’s nothing more subversive to offenders than showing them that their abuse of violence does not work, does not have the expected effect on us, that we may even perversely enjoy it. I’m still quite uncomfortable with Nazi symbolics and satanist porn. I recognize fear of possibility that it could be harvested by religious bigots, Putinists and other real fascists. A conspiracy theorist in me would even see this depraved porn being produced directly in those ideological clubs and propaganda offices, purposefully. But on the other hand, just for a moment imagine neo-Nazis seeing their victim-targets – gays – engaging in bold swastika decorated fuck. Straight in their straight (?) face.
Sanity check: Scenes of real violence. Brutality on the news, awful mafia executions, machos beating their wives, gay guys being hazed by Russian neo-Nazis, chauvinist oriental rape-games, guys burned in the street by superstitious mob, Islamic fundamentalist beheading random victims. Not sexy. Absolutely horrifying. Anger raising, revenge inducing, mind blinding. Unacceptable. On the other side of spectrum, there is artificial poorly-acted BDSM porn: "Yes daddy, I have been a bad bad boy, punish me!" Not sexy either. Absolutely awful in another way. Not serving its declared purpose, not satisfying sexuality. The genuine BDSM stands somewhere in between. It is believable enough and in the same time consensual and enjoyable. It lovingly holds our hand while allowing us to face our fears (of pain, roughness, loss of control) and transform them. My acceptability red line runs exactly through there.
Seeing it may come easier than reading it
... is it correct to wear their iconic symbols ...
