Faelitics: consensus and power

5.0.15

How do others see me? What are the others to me?

Faerie life revolves in circles. From the heart-circle as the foundation of faerie culture, through practical circles, stewards circles, workshop circle to vision circles. For some, the head is in swoon of so much circularity – they wish for a bit of efficiency. The "good old" corporate practices of empowered individuals, empowered action groups, deal with your own task. Though the idea of faerie space was conceived in opposition to the pyramidal hierarchies or even a democratic majority ruling over the minority interests and voices.

The heart circles are a topic of their own, but they represent the ideal of queer community. The circle prevents chaos, the fight for a speaking time, the battle of the egos, the self-promotion of the assertive ones. It relaxes the constant subconscious fear of being interrupted, the take-overs, the conversation hijacking. To speak in haste, briefly, entertainingly, to cling anxiously to the audience’s attention. While there may be a point in efficiency, the circular paradigm introduces a completely new quality into human communication and interaction. Hearing the silent voices that may offer an unexpected value. Hearing a well-thought and extensive speech that may contain a more complex perspective of the issue, offer more understanding or lead to a more solid solution. In a current design of social fabric, expressing oneself in front of the non-judgmental, compassionate and truly listening audience, without being interrupted, switching from competing mode into contemplating or heart-ful one – can be a lifetime experience, the source of true breakthrough and regeneration in the individual’s life.

Most of the other faerie-processes hasten the iconic heart-circle structure – for the sake of saving time and preserving the energy. With every shortcut, some of the benefits of circularity are lost. I never hear discussions if faerie space is intended to be efficient (in competition with the mainstream world or the other communities?) or to be different, patient, inclusive (even in terms of perspectives, contributions, of different content and extent). While mostly I understand and favor the tweaking to avoid the "draining circles", the working groups can easily deteriorate into self-indulging tournaments for a few dominant faeries. It’s usually them who explain and excuse this set-up as "natural", describing the rest as whining about their own inability to keep up with the pace and be audible. How many great ideas, minority reports – are lost?

Seen from the other side, the circles can be truly exhausting, failing to turn faster than the intention evaporates. The mechanism that is supposed to encourage and engage the silent voices can be used by the loud ones to hold the circle hostage. In their unrelated drama, in their perspective of the issue, in their construct of what is important. The divergence of the ideas and the intentions seems to be characteristic of the faerie space. One wants to discuss the toilet, the other one would skip to the shopping, another one needs to share how he feels, the odd one points to the flying bird and another one finds the vibe too rough and violent, while someone else laments over the energy dispersing, disrupted by the faerie who shows off in her morning drag. Pulling the circular rope in every direction makes it look like a disturbed anus. The impractical circles are legendary. Not rarely they turn into metaphysical circles on how to hold the circle, what the circle is and if it is good at all, if to hold a circle on having another circle, until everyone gets over-circled and abandons the group in not less iconic: "Someone will do it." Worth to mention, that the expressive impatience of some introduces the explosive charge, that is the most draining factor in these circles.

The consensus process was designed very simply. The talisman or just word passes through the circle, only the person holding speaks, as long as he is satisfied with his contribution. All are heard. The solution as presented, along the concerns, opposition, modification – in the same circular fashion – with a very clear goal. A solution that everyone is happy about (consensus) or at least can live with (consent) – without anyone left out as silence minority. This end quality is either there or not there, it cannot be fooled.

I find it sad and fascinating to observe how power dynamics work in a space that culturally negated the power hierarchies. The power comes with self-confidence, with the authority of the elder, with an insight of a steward, with an involvement of the busy bees, with an attachment of the creators, with the what-is-where savvy of the perennials, with gossip. In this sense the faerie space is not a bubble, but a sample and half-working rearrangement of the habits and personalities extracted from the mainstream world. The community spits sulfur on power, hierarchy and leadership – in declarations, apparent on facade – but it hardly has and develops any mechanisms to resist those ominous phenomena. We detest kings, but we don’t know how to depose kings. We hate politics, but we do politics.

Perhaps the first necessary inquiry might inspect what the power means. I do not believe in James Bond villains, who want to take over the world for the sake of abstract power. "It is not edible." Power over whom, power to achieve what, power for what benefit, power serving what purpose? Is the inescapable lure of power a struggle to find self-confidence, self-worth, self-importance? Is it a wish to be perceived as an expert – glory as a variant of appreciation? Another rendering of belonging strife, the elusive balance between being part of and being seen as unique? The dream of being proud of something – in front of somebody? Or the primeval fear of being rejected from the tribe (a.k.a. dying alone in the hostile wilderness) transforming into a focus on being accounted for, indispensable, needed? Are there ways how to offer those values and qualities without conceding to the ancient power dynamics? Is the faerie space just an opportunity to observe them, without really having any tools or chances to escape them?

It’s quite easy to become a power-faerie. It’s a matter of choice to take a perspective on the process, reasoning and excuses, one’s transformation. Becoming special, important, mentioned. Compensation for so many memories of insignificance or failure from the outside world. Becoming one of the elite – perhaps not of the "wealthy ones", but those amassing knowledge and "having no time" to distribute it to as many as possible, or just not wanting to. Refraining from offering the simple and clear "how to" workshop, that might prevent many demotivating stupid mistakes, but also compromise the exclusiveness of some. "We the ancestors, who remember the good old times. All these new faeries being somewhat uninvolved, non-engaged, passive, consuming the faerie space, ignorant of its original values."

"Come to my house and recreate it also according to your taste because it’s your house as well." - is a challenging multicultural idea. Not necessarily good, not bad either. Perhaps it presents and ideal similar to subject-subjection relationships, possibly unachievable, but worth aiming towards, or at least to consider.

The steward/elder/involved mind navigates among the experienced "it will not work anyways" and the permissive "let's try it". To create a safe shelter – or a risky playground? What do we come to experience and learn? Yes, the faerie element introduces challenges, the depths of stupidity, the bold ignorance unknown to the mankind. Observing it prompts for sense of black humor, irony, sarcasm and up to cynicism – that may be as much a healing and helpful (distancing, detaching) strategy, as the conveyor belt towards the indifference and decay.

The faerie space is an interesting relationship between the content and the wrapping. Many times the regular life dynamics get a repainting of soft talking, "everything is fabulous" denial, "you are amazing" empty flattery, without a courage to state the painful facts, provide a crucial feedback, a sanity check – to all the self-discovery and self-adoration. This pinker-than-pink-washed environment invites the stowaway truth-tellers, who are just being rude, deconstructing the respect and encouraging kindness, but smart enough to present this act as a contribution, while it is nothing else than an attention-attracting pose. Is this extreme duality a side-effect of specific faerie environment, or a skill yet to master?