From the unfiltered presence to the altered states of mind

5.0.10

addiction to freedom, freedom to be addicted, freedom from addiction

One can hardly find a better source of drama than raising the issue of mind-altering substances in faerie space. It seems that the right to their liberal use is defended as fiercely as the cultish technophobia against electronic gadgets. My perspective is not impartial either, so I will present the topic seen through my eyes.

Faerie idea was born a decade after LGBT liberation breakthrough, when assimilationism was rooting in – and some part of queer community decided to seek truly communitarian life, discovering our true nature, potential, away from the distraction and destruction caused by consumerism. Even nowadays, queers seek beyond the darkrooms of transactional sex, connections deeper than elation at the parties, something more to life than purchasing products targeted at the queer audience. Clothes, items of status, streaming TV, template vacations. Don’t the substances fall in line? It is crucial to penetrate the dynamics of our interaction with the substances – above the noble notions of liberty to do so.

Many people drink "socially", because they identify this activity with having fun. Rarely we ask the daring questions: Am I able to "have fun" without the aide of supplements? What does it say about my feelings within the queer "culture events" and among my friends? Are the commercial queer facilities entertaining at all? The clubs follow this decades-old best practice, that somehow make them so uncomfortable, that first thing we do is to run to bar, order a drink and sip from the bottle. Being at the bar, talking to waiters and holding the bottle is often the only action we experience at the night out alone, surrounded by the disconcerting looks. We drink in order to relax, in order to be able to speak freely, in order to connect with people, in order to drown the sorrow, in order to forget.

The consumption does not satisfy – because often we buy objects of fetish associated with certain fantasies and stories, but rarely they provide those qualities. At the end we just receive the object. A costume of the movie that we will never get to live. Our mind looks the other way – and sees the solution in further consumption. Products are patches to the failings of other products.

The harder drugs are to fill the void in our boring reality, without questioning why is it so or what can be done. Sometimes they seem to provide an escape from the unbearable unfairness and emptiness of being. The lack of depth and spirituality in life may compel us to fantasize about the altered states of mind, reaching higher consciousness, life-changing vision quests,... through a shortcut. Oblivious to the fact that the deep spirituality, in essence, actually is "taking the longer (boring, painful) path". We are bored and so we buy a bit of magic, mystery, instant "something more". The secrecy and forbidden fruit aura may bind us in a community of like-minded "friends", as expressed also in a revealing documentary on Chemsex pandemics in gay underworld. It’s the loneliness that we have created, mismanaged and perpetuate by the very same lifestyle that is claiming to provide remedies for it.

There's always some irony involved. Some queer people and faeries deem the substances to be the ultimate expression of personal liberty. My body, my choice, my exploration, my fun. Contradictory to the idea of independence stands the addictive character of many substances. Good thing - thing more intense than anything in reality - is never enough. The loneliness and disenchantment of mainstream life is abysmal. To live there - or to escape into fabulous alternate realities at hand? How does the regular optimizing organism decide? Perhaps like the rat, that presses the button that causes him an immediate orgasm - over and over again - until it dies of hunger. Nonetheless, the consumption of substances requires resources – and so it draws the "independent" spirits towards the corporate source of income – supporting the same machinery as they are escaping. Most of the serious drugs are produced by warlords and mafias in far away regions of the world, people working as slaves, brutalized by the most merciless gangs on Earth, many on the run. It’s one of the most destructive and inhuman businesses on this planet – providing the illusion of independence and freedom to the end consumers.

Faerie space was conceived as an alternative to consumerism, even its dark and deadly forms. I get amazed how triggering the presence of phones (coordination), reproduced music (beauty), or cameras (personal memories, remote connections, documenting value) can be – particularly because of their potential to distract and withdraw people from the social and communal context – but the minds hallucinating in the induced states (and hearts locked-out who knows where) do not cause that much uproar. Not to forget how disturbing the intoxicated individuals can be to the others – those unprepared to deal with people out of control, those who abstain after their own traumatic history with drugs, or generally disrupting the communal events, heart circles or conversations. Formalizing party-drug use as a spiritual ritual is well known woo-woo cliché – artificial, transparent, preposterous – that just shows how far from genuine spiritual life many "refugees from mainstream" are. Quite an interesting situation happens when individuals take drugs because they feel safety net of the faerie space. All that love, support, care. Do the other faeries feel safe with them? Were the other faeries or the community as a whole approached to consent to become the watchful buddies for them? Relying on non-negotiated safety net, abusing/consuming the hospitality and gentleness and permissiveness of faerie culture - is a perfect example of subject-object thinking.

There are so many mainstream facilities that have, tolerate or even support virtual realities induced by substances. Not so many substance-free places out there in the gay world, really. One of the greatest added values that faerie space offers is an experience of conscious presence with each other. Away from distractions and consumption – being there, that popular faerie phrase of here-and-now, in the reality, connecting sensually, perceiving nature, noticing each-other a bit more than we are used from the outside world. How can we "gather" on the gathering while everyone runs into his own world?

There’s certainly a space for specific gatherings, when interested minds can come together and provide each-other a support, guidance and heart-shares on experience with medicinal plants and spiritually-framed altered consciousness. Without holding the others as hostages. (This happens quite often: "I want to take substances in faerie space, because I feel safe here" Using the faerie space as a safety net, using the others as non-consensual care-taking buddies - assuming they will help us in case of trouble.) Pre-negotiated space may provide a focus for going into the depth of this peculiar endeavor. Getting the best out of it. Though this requires mature characters, spiritually developed, who won’t use the esoterics as an excuse to "try something new", "get a bit of spiritual entertainment", "beat the boredom of their unsatisfying life". Real intentions topped by capabilities to withstand and process that special experience.

What I find a more interesting challenge is to experience the spiritual growth (or soulful depths) without the tools and aids. The path without shortcuts is difficult, slow, sometimes seemingly unyielding – but with added value of developing different kinds of sensitivities and subtle perceptions. An embodied spirituality. A real life magic not an exciting trick. Rather than breakthrough wisdom – a richness hides in details, in mundane, repetitive, humble daily life, while cultivating a refined taste and capability to take it in in all its width, depth, scales, layers and levels. There is a thing - "fresh air high" – the faerie and queer community has still a long way to go to experience it and appreciate it. Many seekers conceptualize spirituality as a "going away" and returning back with a piece of knowledge. Perhaps it’s the opposite of that, perhaps it is being there. Being in the full unfiltered unaltered presence with oneself, with each other, with the environment.