Lookism, agism, racism

treatment of the taste, choice and attraction by the politics of shame

This article was conceived as a response to a Facebook post sharing the over-the-line "educational" video from MTV.

Please someone sane elaborate... so I "should" be attracted to ALL people, regardless of their looks, hairdo, shape, weight, body health status, skin color, gender identity - so that I am not crypto-racist? If I am statistically not attracted to people who are not toned/atheltic/sporty (in my eyes physically healthy), am I racist? What if I am not "usually" attracted to bears or people much older than me or trans-women, but exceptionally I am - does this let's say 90% statistic make me... racist? Lookist? Agist? I would like to note that I do not JUDGE those people in terms of their character or individual worth - I am only speaking of my sexual preference.

Is the attraction itself = selection (some get yes, some get no) a racist process? Should we dismiss terms of attraction or preference as such? What about all those fetishists out there? Some have preference in leather, some rubber, some uniforms ... and not in the other fetishes. Are they picky, or even crypto racists? Goddess, it's preference! A taste. This topic reminds me of my mother's question: "why don't you like this food...?!" I don't like some things, that's it, period. My tongue does not like it. It can't explain why. ...

I like to remind that sexuality is the last emergency brake against many "perfect" ideologies, however well intended they are in the beginning. Whatever beautiful theory there is ... my dick (symbollically said) does not get hard looking at some things or some people or some situations. Period. It's an ancient animal instinct - we choose our partners - sometimes based on rational categories, sometimes based on "mysterious" and complex likes and dislikes within us. That we don't have to explain. Should I take viagra to make my dick hard by force, if it is not multicultural enough? Sexuality is a force, a phenomenon, something very honest, not something that you take, control, bend to your intellectual liking.

Not liking someone sexually does not mean we can't be friends, colleagues, or that I consider him inferior or less valuable as a human being or that I would discriminate them in other interactions!

It's simple at the end: dick says yes or dick says no. It's a physical thing (or combination of various aspects that combine into sexual attraction) not an intellectual construct (which racist stances definitely are).

Please let's not disassemble language. Let's not abuse words like "racism", destroying their proper meaning. Because they are important and we might yet need them one day. They have certain power and that one should not be diluted. They have a proper definition and meaning.

This hysteria of who and what everything is racist ... is starting to feel like olympics of throwing labels.

Example: Statistically, I usually don't get turned on by what we call Asian or African bodies, but there are quite some exceptions and also I am open to the option that despite my statistics I might one day respond sexually to someone of Asian look. But I am NOT going to force myself into it - sexuality is not a thing to MAKE this or that, it is a something that IS, a genuine mechanism within us that says "yes" or "no" or "maybe").

Side of other preferences - I am also into BDSM. I wish more people were! So much to learn there. I am sensitive and perceptive to the games of power exchange. Dominating and submitting. Getting on top of someone, in literal or metaphorical sense. Not only in bed, but also in social contexts. These olympics of labels that we throw around on people have a very transparent purpose - to make others feel guilty - and make ourselves feel righteous (better, more erudite, more aware, more contemporary, more liberal, ...). "Good boy" complex. It's a way how to feel on top - not physically, but intellectually. How to put someone else down. Good ol'wrestling or any other competitive sport. It's a very ancient and very very cheap trick. Walking into the room and saying straight away "you are sinners", repent! I don't buy it, I don't play along. Really not.

A note at the end. It is something different if someone dismisses certain look-defined people by default, hiding a cryptic prejudice against that group (but note, prejudice means that we associate that look with certain characteristics like "inferior" "promiscuous" "uneducated" "not my class") - I agree that this is a subject worth of self-inquiry and I won't deny a point there. But it is something else if you are not attracted physically to that group, without putting those label on them. The contemporary hysteria puts it all in one bag - and beats it with one stick there.

I still detest racism. Confusing sexual preference with this abhorrent ideology is scary - because that means lots of people nowadays do not know what racism is. You will not make the world better by making others feel guilty for absurd artificially constructed reasons. Try to love others with their preferences. Only when you are able to receive their rejection ("sorry, I am not attracted to you") you can be once honestly accepted by someone.