Matrix, corporations, Babylon

5.0.16

every paradise has its devil

My life has split into two calendar eras: Before Faerie and After Faeries. This marks the significance of the experience to me. In the most recent years in BF times, I started to search for the possibilities of community life, environmentally aware, spiritually advanced and sexually open. The first interesting exchange happened around the permaculture collective. Symptomatic to the straight world that exists in competition dynamics - above which it can hardly find a perspective. Us versus them. Right and wrong. Winners and losers. The life is a war of the enemy camps – whose ideas are less important than the pleasure of the battle and trance-like identification with the conflict, sides, obsession with defeating the adversaries. The history of the world is a war between this nation and that empire, between religion and rationalists, spiritualists and materialists, conservatives and liberals, right and left or technocrats and environmentalists. A guy who just recently stepped out from corporate world and comfortable IT job, discovered this amazing answer to anything - the religion of permaculture – and comments on our random philosophical debate: "If I had just your urban problems!" I rarely encounter anything so lofty and insulting.

Later on, coming closer to year 0, I discovered the Rainbow community. For an urban intellectual dreaming of closer connections and kindness – the first impressions on the gathering felt a bit like dream coming true. All those alternative and esoteric decorations, beautifully self-defining people, the concept of brothers and sisters practiced in reality, different kind of workshops, communal singing and eating. Another life is possible. It took me couple of days to descend from the cloud an realize, that I can’t connect with all that surrounding beauty. There was still something artificial, cold, straight – in the interactions. The distance, the wall. I started to recognize the regular world’s patters, just rephrased and re-wrapped, in proper rainbow cultural clichés. The machismo, the battle, the hierarchy, the egomaniacs, those holding the group hostage in cuffs with pink fluff, the new attributes of Evil: electronics, soap, toilet paper, meat. That all belongs to Babylon.

It is interesting that precisely this Biblical term was used – previously serving to distinguish satanic urban culture (pubs, brothels, anonymity) and orderly rural-life (toil, family, church). Babylon represents a multicultural town, the melting pot of different ideas, lifestyles, that produces and in the same time represents the richness. The variety diverges in all possible directions – those perceived by some as "nice" and those seen as "ugly" and "bad". The mess of culture, arts, carnivals, feast and intellectual circles – was always a bit scary, provoking, blasphemous – but in the same time it served as the "edges" within permaculture concept – the most productive, diverse and lush ecosystem. The Babylon weirdly refers back to "us, the enlightened" and "them, the backwards". To some extent, along the group/club/nation dynamics, it expresses the need to belong and in the same time to express one’s uniqueness. "I am not like you rest, I am one of ..." Archetypal and eternal human paradox.

So what does the (un)faerie term Matrix means? The outside world, the consumerist trap of the mainstream, the delusion of the realness in "need – buy – satisfy" life. Let’s follow the movie symbollics: Yes, in some sense the (sur)real economics uses us like the living fuel cells that propel the machinery of never-fulfilling consumption, that veils the real needs and happiness. Though this is a matter of observation, that faerie space can train us to undertake, not a reason to run away to the other side, the right camp, our team. Escaping the trap of competitive capitalism haunted by the competitive logic (this side and that side) would be quite ironic. Naming the Matrix is a shortcut to belonging and distinction, but in the same time it sounds slightly derogatory and conceited.

I myself uphold the faerie sanctuary (or gathering) as a separate and different space serving specifically different people. A home, a lab, a retreat, safe space. Not like anything surrounding it, hosting it or catering to it. In the same time I feel perplexed, if for example the gender distinction is realized trough enactment of the feminine clichés (as in drag shows), or conscious "liberating" of oneself from the armor or uniform of masculinity, walking some path towards equally normalized femininity. Instead of inventing or at least searching for something new, we just recombine. The gender stereotypes return in "feminine" obsession with fashion, beauty, impressing, gossip, precise "gentle" gestures and particularly in "masculine" strengths/weaknesses of proving oneself, preaching the Truth, getting lost in conflicts and fights, but also taking sides and following the allies/foes constructions.

The most interesting two-spirit legacy for me corresponds with the Taoist perspective: finding middle ground, escaping the logic of battle and camps. Bridging the masculine and feminine world, bridging the material and spiritual way of life, bridging further more. Mainstream and alternative lifestyles? Ecology and technology? Being outsiders of the Big Bad World - observing, but also its insiders - serving.

My faerie story starts shortly after I was forced to take a job in a large corporation, in very humiliating fashion, after years of resisting this path in life. I had all the reasoning, distance and smugness of the proper alternative/intellectual/enlightened boy: The economic illness of capitalism, preference of cooperation to competition, the non-consensual BDSM of bosses and employees, the exploitation of people and the environment, the distortion of democratic government. What I have discovered instead was a collective of people, great variety of characters with regular human scope of intentions, sober thinking, optimizing (doing as little work for as much gain as possible), trying to establish some social connections. No evil for the sake of joy of being evil. The corporate life provided me with resources to live also the alternative life. Discovering faeries. Being able to visit them regularly. Contributing with always hated and always needed money.

Surprisingly, I found almost mystic correspondence between my experience in the faerie space and in the corporate office. A long-distance communication, a long-term conversation. I notice that faerie space hosts many active and many inert faeries, hard-working and hedonist, friendly and difficult personalities. Sometimes the most challenging sample of the society – that would hardly thrive (or be accepted or even welcome) elsewhere. The corporations can be so big – and needy of the constantly fluctuating employees – that they hire "anybody". Their reputation and culture is so under the scrutiny of all the media and NGOs and competition, that their primary focus is on soft-skill training (that overshadows the technical aspect of the work): team building, non-violent communication, difficult interactions, handling conflicts, working with diversity. The code of conduct is so complex that it is quite difficult to fire anyone – the most impossible of the skilled autists and psychopaths and parasites survive shielded by the mammoth – people that would not survive a day in the demanding and rough environment of the small business. Learning from faeries I was finding it easier to deal with difficult characters in the office – et vice versa.

My position half-way between management and employees – having insight into the motivations, perspectives, suspicions, complaints and aspiration of both – correlates with my faerie space standing, definitely not a newbie or annual faerie, curious in steward’s affairs, but not stepping that last stair either. In the corporation, I learned that there are rarely mean managers abusing their employees, the rules are so tight and complex, that there is a little space for that. Sometimes the employees wonder why and how the management sustains those who lack motivation, skills or interest in doing any work (and paid like the rest). Instead of fierce capitalism – just a clumsy socialist dinosaur. Ironically, it is often those very eager and pro-active faeries, who can behave like the most fierce managers, determined and unscrupulous. Looking back at some prep work for the particularly challenging gatherings, I noticed that faeries usually recognized for their wisdom and composed nature, when pushed to the wall - they bite back with tactlessness that would be hardly tolerated in the corporate environment.

Faeries indulge in reinventing the wheel, in many ways, often coming to the same results that humankind, various societies and companies – discovered long time ago, over and over again. Fairness. Incentive. Conflict prevention. Efficiency. Inclusion. Circles. Brainstorm. Work groups. Faeries are hardly any pioneers in this regard.

I do not want to draft an apology for the corporations. They are just what they are. The large collectives of people in this heteronormative world of families, where everyone is competing to support and promote "his own". To do some work (as easy as it gets) and to get some reward (money and satisfaction). The competition is an imperative of the macho/masculine society, but the corporations paradoxically represent it’s apex: The competition is won and there is no more competition. They deform the free market, they deform the political environment, they damage the ecosystem. They are the representation and the outcome of the paradigm. Faeries challenge it, but I dare them to sneer before they achieve improvement.

Quite a good example is the faerie relationship to money. The feared and triggering diabolical numbers are not a capitalist phenomenon – they are what they are, means of exchange, opportunities. The expression of what we hold precious. People make money in their own companies or earn them in larger corporations. All those individuals and companies produce surplus for themselves as much as paying the taxes - that come back to the shared pool and get distributed among the government, public institutions, yes – bribes, subsidies, donations, foundations and grants. Everyone is producing some value, or receiving a share in someone else’s excess. Faerie economy runs on love, service, spontaneous barter, odd gifts and generosity. People who have more pay for those who pay less or nothing – even if it is not seen polite to say so – so that one group does not feel ashamed and co-dependent. Ironically, the shame is often imposed on those who give. Though all the food, tools, props, clothes and even the roof itself – comes from the outside world, is purchased through money.

A similar paradoxical dynamics happens around the products of those bad corporations. Faeries coordinate using the internet, computers and smartphones. They sustain their connections using the same means. Of course, the unique feature of the faerie culture – compared to the contemporary mainstream obsessed with apps and virtual realities – is the gathering, live interaction, presence. But those would hardly be possible without those communication gadgets. The planes (footprint darlings!), the buses, the diesel trains and of course cars transport us to the sanctuary. The screws, the pipes, the medicine and certainly the food is often bought in big cheap supermarkets (for the sake of NOTAFLOF), definitely brought from the outside world. Faerie permaculture self-production is as significant as the faerie relationship to order and consistency. The cult(ure) of chaos can’t keep a broom functional – how could it possibly sustain the living organisms? Faeries are consumers – even if of the specific products. From (wish!) organic food, biodegradable sanitary products, to solar panels. And finally – the iconic photo-pohobia, the phone-phobia, the speaker-phobia reflects more the experience (traumas) of the outside world, than representing a new consciousness developed on the land. It often feels more like a spiritual pose, power game (to control what the others do) than a balanced attitude.

Some believe, that the magic of the sanctuary closely relates to the fact it is a temporary (transient, experimental, laboratory) space, that discourages us from building attachments and sense of ownership. We gather, consume the faerie spirit, the togetherness, the community, we leave. We earn money in the Matrix, to be able to come back, to support the faerie space – perhaps as our substitute to substances and other escapes from the unbearable nature of life. We live in between reality and surreality (whichever the Matrix and Faerie utopia is). This position is a recurring pattern of faerie mythology anyways.

Even the two-spirits - that we often remember - lived among their community, inside their culture, being different, but interacting with the rest and providing their unique perspectives, offering a service through their irreplaceable skills. The (neo)pagan witches – that faeries like to imitate – perhaps lived on the fringe, but still returned to and returned from the outside world where they applied the craft in some way. I like to look at the faerie gatherings particularly as the witches covens, where we run away from the norms of the outside world and come to practice our faith in compassion, subject-subject interactions, sexual freedom, queer sort of spirituality. To be with their kind, to release, to relax, to recharge, to find who we are, what is our potential … that we rein and use for the service of the wider world. We can hide from it, but we will most likely be partially dependent on it.

This touches the non-existence of faerie definitions and another pair of contradictory energies: Is faerie space a parallel world, disconnected (off grid), self-sustaining, an autarchy, perhaps like the Amish community or even Noah’s Arc? Or is it a place of wonder, different but still vividly interacting with the rest of the world? This question relates even to the language of ecology. We are part of ecosystem, that we share with the outside world. If the water gets poisoned or scare, if the air is too polluted, if the political situation become unfavorable to the self-governing communities – we will quickly realize that we are still part of the whole. And it is for our own benefit, that we try to take part in shaping it, knowing it, living in it.

Two-spirits, bridging the male and female world, material and spiritual realm – and many other contradictory domains – developed new perspectives and skills, took specific occupations. Those correspond to the professional preferences of the contemporary queer people – often in contrasts to their more competitive and side-picking straight peers. They were no warriors, while we usually don’t thrive in the hierarchical and aggressive military environment. Shamans have become priests. Storytellers followed by historians and writers or movie-makers. The rite-preservers are now masters of ceremonies and entertainers. Healers are doctors, caretakers, therapists. We introduce communication and cooperation – to balance out the competition and battles. Reflection, perspective, provocation, deconstruction, middle-ground – instead of ideology, dogmas and camps. It would be impossible to do this locked-up outside. Even if faerie space feels so safe, so healing, so nourishing, so magical, so like-us. As a bubble, as a healing device, as an escape pod – it becomes only in interaction (or contrast) with the world.

We are different people. We choose not to assimilate. We challenge the normal. But what example would we offer to the rest of the crowd, if no one would ever see us, if no one would know about us? Do we want to pull the worthy ones out of mainstream, or perhaps to introduce a bit of us, different communication and interaction habits, more kindness, loving, accepting, allowing, self-making into it?

Next time you are going to spit on evil corporations, evil money, evil mainstream – think of it again. Faerie space might not be a different planet to abandon this flawed, sick, diverse, idea-generating melting pot, Babylon, Matrix or Spoiled Urban World. Faerie experience may mean just taking a perspective, taking a different approach, learning and teaching new ways how to work with the world we have.